Enter your crone zone: Reframing menopause with empowerment

When the term menopause’ was created in 1821 by Charles-Pierre-Louis de Gardanne, it was viewed as a woman’s gateway to death. Considering we live twice as long as we did then, perimenopause only marks the halfway point on life’s ride. Nowadays, when a woman hits ‘meno’ (monthly) ‘pause’ (stop), she is still healthy in her body, often raising children, in the heart of her career, and looking towards another 40 years of life. On an anthropological level this is a game-changer, but our frontal lobes have not caught up with just how empowering this is for women!

I have a complicated history with religion, so I decided to study it at the University of Toronto in the late nineties. In undergrad courses we learned about monotheistic and polytheistic religions, about eastern versus western, and for one short minute we touched on paganism. Searching for a spiritual space where the feminine was prominent, I may have briefly joined a coven. Looking back, this vibrant community of women resembled a feminist group of naturopaths who liked goth fashion and the outdoors, much like other social circles I was part of at the time. One of my favourite take-aways from Wiccan teachings was honouring women’s stages of life and the increase in reverence as we age: Maiden to Mother, and Mother to Crone – the oldest most powerful witch. Elder reverence shows up in indigenous and eastern cultures, but in this spiritually disordered society we relegate ‘senior citizens’ to the fringes, shunned away as what we will inevitably become, but are so desperately trying to avoid.

The avoidance shows up in our hyper focus and excessive spending on ‘anti-aging’ products and processes. Women still hide their age and birthdays are treated like funerals or ignored altogether. Even the current recognition of menopause as a thing that actually happens to half the human population, is laced with resentment, frustration and fear. How are we going to ‘handle it’ ‘get through it’ ‘accept it’? I don’t want to undermine the often debilitating symptoms of perimenopause, or the literal pain of aging. But I also think much of the fear around menopause is a cultural cling-on of becoming ‘old and barren’. We can do this better. We can get witchy about it!

At 45 years old I am just embarking on the perimenopause journey. Heavy irregular periods, a body that’s more stubborn to respond, fogginess on familiar words and names, hormonal rage and upset. Since going through years of fertility treatments and having a young child in my 40s, the connection to my sexuality has also dwindled. I’ve got my own work to do. But I’m also feeling something else which is at the heart of this conversation. Something powerful and something I feel is good for women…

I often hear women around my fitness studio say: “The older I get, the less fucks I give.” It’s said as a statement of strength and the underlying message is: “I care less what others think about me”, “I care more about what matters”, “I care more about who matters”, “I have enough life experience to prioritize”. Hormones exist for the survival of the human species: fornicate and multiply. They are not the smartest suckers and in the absence of them there is more clarity, newfound intelligence, perhaps even wisdom.

To harness this evolved perspective requires a collective effort. And while patriarchy is much to blame for the current status of aging women, we The Women have to move beyond its psychological and social shackles. We have to believe that this ‘Second Life’ is one filled with more wisdom, freedom and power. Women must support women, because demographics show us that we still live longer and will continue to be left with each other. I have childhood friends that will have seen me through my upbringing, failures, successes, homes, relationships, careers, marriage(s), children, losses, grief… When my parents are gone, when my child has moved out, and even when a life partner is or isn’t with me, The Women still will be. We are the through line of each others’ lives.

Many of us are already in ‘covens’, ones that could more intentionally be cultivating collaborative empowerment. On this first day of November, during high Wiccan season, go get your chalice, pentacle, wand, and organize a circle of women to embrace this next half of our lives together. Here are seven suggested ingredients for your ‘Second Life’ crone zone potion:

Shift the negative talk around aging:

Let’s retrain our brainwashed brains with the language we use when describing ourselves and others. Every time you catch yourself, notice it and consciously shift to a positive or a compliment. Use the Wicca ‘Law of Three’ here, if you are unkind (that includes to yourself), it will come back to you threefold! This falls in line with becoming what you project and believe.

Celebrate life’s landmarks:

My mother gave me a First Period cake. I was crampy and scared, but it made me feel better – even excited. Maybe a Last Period cake? After a year blood-free, throw a party where you and your ladies burn remaining tampons and diva cups and dance around the fire! Really though, alongside our birthdays, Menopause is a major life marker and deserves more celebration.

Take care of yourself:

We know that what we eat, how we sleep, and how we move our body deeply affects our day-to-day quality of life and our longevity. Your lifestyle choices will help you wade through the symptoms of perimenopause, but if you need to go on hormone therapy (or whatever medical intervention), consider it a modern witch brew! Do what you need to do to get you through. Your true coven sisters will support you.

Take care of each other:

Loneliness is the new epidemic - but there is a cure: the company of fellow humans and friends! Just knowing that we are not alone in this journey is an elixir for so many of our struggles. But it takes a concerted effort. We need to be willing to put ourselves out there and be willing to welcome people into our circles.

Get out of your house and into the woods:

The pandemic has made us even more isolated and social media obsessed. Getting out and gathering outdoors is an incredible reminder of the power of Mother Nature (the OG Super Witch) that exists in all of us. It also connects us to our beautiful Planet Earth in a way that might encourage us to save it.

Recognize your power:

As the lead character in your life’s story, this is the part when you have learned from your trials, you can awaken to a higher level of self-awareness, you can become who you were meant to be. There is power in the years you have lived, use them to your advantage and savour the ones you have ahead of you.

Cast a spell:

By all means dive deep into authentic Wiccan workings, but there are many witchy ways to manifest and create your destiny…

Meditation: spell!

Vision board: spell!

Reiki: spell!

Sound Bath: spell!

Choir: spell!

Dance class: spell!

Naturopathy: spell!

Cooking: spell!

Pick the spells that fill your cauldron best - and brew em up!